Baby Steps

For those that read my more recent posts, I’m trying to get back into posting. I’m hesitant to give health advice ever since I was harassed by a supplement company.

To be honest, I don’t want to give health advice exactly… I want to just encourage each and every one of you to take it easy. Life is hard! We deserve to have a good life, all of us, don’t we?

I know how difficult it is to eat healthy, to breathe in and out, to go about your day with a smile on your face. I once had an acupuncturist tell me that I needed to cry.

He said, “Watch a sad movie. Let it all out. Do it often.”

And here is what I learned about feeling better. Crying is detoxing. The more we sleep, weep, sweat, pee, poop, breathe and laugh, we get better. Between toxins and emotions we all really need a good detox and we need it all the time. Beets for instance, are really great for detoxing our liver. Sleep detoxes our brains. Some chemicals I’ve heard, can only depart our bodies through sweat.

So give yourself a break. This stuff isn’t easy. There is no one “cure all” out there. But lots of baby steps along the way will get you where you’re going. Replenish what you’re missing. I’m sure you’re missing something! Most people in the United States are missing adequate amounts of iodine and magnesium for starters. But what else? How about B vitamins, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, etc. And how about probiotics? We pasteurize everything, cook everything, and forget that we are all just containers of live bacteria. We need bacteria to live, give us energy, fight viruses and help us lose weight. We have more bacteria in our bodies than we do human cells. In fact, bacteria tell our cells how to behave. They can even turn genes on and off. SO let’s get some probiotics in our lives…and let them have variety because variety is the spice of life! But try to do as much as you can with whole foods rather than supplements because this is how we stay balanced. For instance, an oyster has a unique amount of selenium and zinc but if you take it in supplement form, you might throw yourself off balance. Food naturally keeps this unique balance, so if you can, find the things you’re missing with food. Bone broth is great because it gives our bones all the things we’re probably missing in our bones! You’ll be pleased to see your skin loves it too. But don’t do any big change fast… Our bodies can’t handle that. Our livers can’t take it. Our kidneys need to take it easy. We need to allow ourselves to do little changes over time.

Baby steps. Anything more than that and we might not get there… but if we can allow ourselves to take the smallest steps, then maybe just maybe one day we’ll be somewhere delightfully unexpected, like in a body that’s finally taking it easy.

Gentle hugs to you all,

Sarah May

It’s nearly a decade later.

Dear readers, this will be an unusual post.

For those that have followed this blog, you noticed at first I didn’t write much towards the end, and then I didn’t write at all. But I never could explain why. Now I’m about to.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten how to write in a blog too, but hopefully this is like riding a bike.

First, I am still alive, still well, and I’m sorry I haven’t logged into my site until now.

A post I had written long ago caused quite a stir. So much of a stir that, a big stack of papers came in my mail, threatening to sue me. At first, I did not worry. I considered what I had to say an act of freedom of speech and that this giant company wouldn’t get very far. But the reality was, I was broke, and I was trying desperately to manage my career and manage my autoimmune disease, and I was in denial. The blog was a place to decompress, but for the first time, it added to undue stress in my life.

Over that year, new paperwork came, threatening me more and more. Calls came in. “Take down your blog” it read. But I did nothing and hoped they could do nothing to me.

A year later, a bigger stack of brand new paperwork came. This time, a new lawyer put their name to it, and this time they threatened they would put me in jail for giving advice on my blog. What? Can they really put me in jail?

I took the paperwork over to someone within my network, as a one time favor to ask for advice.

Yes they could sue me, of course, anyone can sue anyone for anything. But she didn’t think they would win and she didn’t think they could put me in jail because I occasionally gave advice. Still I felt scared and confused. All I wanted to do was be well. I didn’t have money for a lawyer and I was only starting to get control of my autoimmune disease and my career. I felt morally responsible to keep my blog visible, though I was told to take it down. To compromise, I took the original post down that caused so much trouble and stopped allowing comments along with responding to them. All of my writing energy disappeared in an instant.

Without even trying, a year or so passed. Every time I wanted to write, I stopped myself mid-sentence. And then Life happened. Stressful life changes impacted me deeply.

Eventually, I came back to my blog and the accounts associated with it, and realized, I didn’t know my passwords anymore. I didn’t know my usernames because I had changed everything to become “forgotten”. I had let emails expire. I didn’t connect back up emails to send “reset password” info to. There was no one to call. I couldn’t find any of the information I needed to get help. My twitter account was hacked and some other person or bot using my name took it for political propaganda. With all control lost, it seemed the world wanted me to stop writing and just hide.

And then yesterday happened.

I got an email that said one of my emails would be closed if I didn’t log in. I had thought that email no longer existed. I reset the password to the long forgotten email and wondered if somewhere in my emails, can I find my account # or other valid info for WordPress? I had been seaching for years and I was pretty sure I had searched here before.

But sometimes things change because maybe stars aline? I reset the search filter because something was wrong with it. Perhaps that’s why I couldn’t find this info before? I searched for WordPress. Ooodles of WordPress emails come up so I hit the arrow key for ten minutes or so until I got to the very first email that was ever sent to me from WordPress. And that’s all I ever needed.

Now that I have access again to this blog, I’m not even sure what to do with it. Should I even write at all? How much should I share? Is it possible to be anonymous? Do I ever give advice again?

It’s only been a day and I figure I’ll just take baby steps. I’ll figure things out one day at a time. I’m happy to at least now, have a choice.

I’ve decided to sign with the name, Sarah May, because she is the old me, long before I wrote this blog. She’s symbolic because RA once had ahold of me, and it no longer does. It’s still here, but it’s not invading my thoughts or preventing me from living. It still however, prevents me from a cartwheel, and I’m hoping in time I’ll change that too.

To my readers that never heard from me again, I’m truly sorry it happened, and any grief it has caused you.

Many gentle virtual hugs to you all,

Sarah May

Earth Angels: Part Two (Pay it Forward)

One morning I was running late for work, per usual.  My gas gauge was noticeably low, but I didn’t stop for gas, knowing that stopping would add to my tardiness.  I guess you can say I like to live on the edge, or maybe it’s a genetic thing.

See, growing up, my father was notorious for letting his car run out of gas–while his kids were still in it.  It was so bad in fact, that there was this one spot on the road that we knew if we got past it, we were somehow in the clear.  We knew the spot well because we had walked the few miles from there to the gas station a few times.  Perhaps this was a game.   I don’t know why he would do this exactly.  He claimed the gas gauge was broken.  In fact, there were other places at other times, in other areas of California that we also ran out of gas, but that’s another story.  I think  he liked to live on the edge, or maybe it was something else, maybe his reasoning skills are broken.  And Dad, if you’re reading this, you know it’s true.  Back in those days, you could hitch-hike to a certain extent without the same kind of worries that you have today.  Needless to say, I grew up thinking running out of gas was sort of fun?  Now I know that it’s terrible for your car, ruining pipes and so forth and being in L.A., it’s definitely dangerous.  So let’s just say that I don’t wait until the last-minute any longer.

I had run out of gas a long time ago, around the age of 18.  The steering wheel had locked up, something I didn’t know about at that time.  It was scary, but I was lucky because a police officer had seen me, pulled over, and literally pushed my car with his car, around the corner to a gas station.  Was he another Earth Angel?

So here I was, driving to work, with a very low gas tank.  Traffic had come to a stand-still and I started to really worry.  I was on the freeway and I really didn’t know for sure if I was going to make it to the next exit.  Sitting there, in traffic, not moving, was lowering my chances of EVER making it to work.  It was a hot day, but I knew better than to run the air conditioning or else I definitely wouldn’t make it off the freeway.

I finally made it to my exit and my gas tank still hadn’t hit the R yet.  I was convinced that I could make it all the way to work as long as it didn’t hit the R.  That was, until that familiar feeling in my steering wheel hit.  Right as it did, it dawned on me that I had just passed a gas station.  I immediately flipped a u-turn, struggling with my steering wheel.  It just so happened that there were no cars on the street at that moment when I did this, and this is L.A. in the Wilshire district, making it a strange serendipitous coincidence.

As my car struggled on its last fumes, I attempted to roll up to a gas pump.  This was going slightly uphill in the drive-way.  I realized quickly that I wasn’t totally going to make it.  As my car started to drift backwards, I immediately pulled the emergency brake to stop it from rolling back into the street.  I had at least made it to the gas station.  This was a true miracle.

I was feeling REALLY lucky at this point.   I had just ran out of gas and for the life of me, I had no idea how I had been so lucky that I was able to literally roll right into a gas station.  I am a glass is half-full kind of person, so I knew no matter what, I was going to feel lucky for the rest of the day.  I felt like someone was watching over me.  What if I had run out of gas on the freeway?  I was in a fairly safe neighborhood in L.A.  There was nothing that could keep me from smiling for the rest of the day.

Stupidly, I was un-prepared though.  I didn’t know my debit card number by heart (still) and the gas station didn’t take credit cards.  I didn’t have any cash on me and I couldn’t call anyone because my phone was dead.  I didn’t have any change on me, not even a penny.  At this point I was feeling like quite the idiot.  I didn’t worry.  I knew if I had to, I could walk to work, even if I was in heels…… it was only a couple of miles away.   I knew there was a solution, I just didn’t know what it was going to be quite yet.  The guy at the gas station wasn’t going to help me, nor was anyone in line, so I started walking back to my car, wondering what I was going to do next.

Luckily an Earth Angel came to my rescue.  He asked me what happened to my car, (as he was getting gas) and I explained that I was an idiot and ran out of gas and that I’d use my credit card but they only take debit and I’d call someone for help but my phone was dead.  I told him not to worry, that I would figure something out.  He told me to hold on.  I didn’t know what he meant but I said ok.  And then he asked me to hold the gas pump.  “Don’t put the pump back,” he said.  He asked for my keys and so I gave my keys to him.  I wasn’t worried about him stealing my car.  It didn’t have any gas and his car was far nicer than mine, how would he drive two?  So I waited, wondering what his plan was.

He got in my car, took the break off and with the help of another person, (another Earth Angel) who kindly jumped in, pushed my car up to the pump.  He put $2 worth of gas in my car and told me where a nearby gas station was that took credit cards.  I thanked him profusely and said, “I wish there was something I could give to you.”  He said in return, “Just pay it forward.”

He was right.  That kind of kindness comes from somewhere unexplainable, somewhere so sweet and true, it gives me goosebumps.  I don’t know that I’ve paid it forward yet, not quite to that extreme, but I hope to be as kind, to be as wonderful as he and someday be someone else’s Earth Angel.

I Finally Started Juicing!!

I don’t know why it’s taken me 5 years to start juicing.  It didn’t seem to matter how many times I read or heard how great juicing would be for me. The thought of  buying an expensive juicer, only to clean it daily, and buy ingredients frequently, etc. sounded terrible.  I’m not much of a cook and I am so busy, I just never realized that I could fit it in my lifestyle.

I had been thinking about juicing for some time, but I owe it to a co-worker from Gnomon School of Visual Effects, Paulli, who gave me that kick in the rear to get going.  She said, “What are you waiting for?”  And I realized, I didn’t really have an answer.  No excuse was a good excuse. This was my health I was talking about!  Buying a juicer this month sounded unrealistic, but she was right, no amount of money was worth sacrificing my health.  If this was going to make me better, then seriously, what was I waiting for?

I realized that I could at least try and use my blender.  If it didn’t work, I could buy a juicer, no excuses. I finally took it out of the top cupboard and brought it to work and put it on the counter, the same day that I bought some juicing staples for the week.  I had a few of the ingredients already, like turmeric, cayenne pepper and apple cider vinegar.

I chopped up a few stalks of celery, the entire cucumber, put a spoonful of turmeric, a spoonful of cayenne pepper, a splash of Apple cider vinegar, a splash of carrot juice that has omegas added, a splash of strawberry Kefir, and finally a splash of the green juice blend from Trader Joe’s.  And walla!  Instant juice drink!  The blender is detachable, so whatever I don’t drink, I just put in the fridge and blend again later.  In fact, day old juice tastes even better!  And the cleanup is super easy.  I just rinse out the blender and it’s ready to juice again!
It took me a bit to get used to the flavor, but I’ve actually acquired a taste for it now!  I’m planning on getting more ingredients…like parsley, ginger, almond milk, kale and whatever else I think would be great for reducing inflammation and adding antioxidants to my body.

Maybe it’s too soon to tell but I would swear that I can already feel a difference.  Two pitchers of smoothies later, I really think this is going to take me somewhere great.  It felt as though it was cleaning my body.  My intestinal health has never been great but since having had RA, it’s been extremely poor.  After juicing I felt like my intestines were saying “Hooray!”  Maybe that’s too much information, but I can feel a giant difference.   Thank you Paulli for your encouragement!

Stay tuned and I’ll let you know how this goes!  Please feel free to ask for advice on juicing.  I have some pretty strong opinions as to what you should and should not be drinking!

many hugs,

Sarah

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Centocor Ortho Biotech and UCB Pharmaceuticals is looking into researching two specific demographics of RA sufferers. The first group is for people who are using IV therapy and the second group is for people who are not using IV / injection treatment and are not using biologic meds.  Take this quick and easy survey if you’d like to be part of research.  It will only take a few minutes, I promise!  ((CLICK HERE))